Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in dirtypalms' LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
7:26 pm	So today has been long and a waste as usual. We had a guest speaker from Sullivan university in our Child Development class today. She basically just wouldnt shut up about how top notch their private school was. She Seemed to have liked that word "Private" she used it quite frequently. She had a rocking mullet and it was given me dirty looks. i watched a movie in world history about the sinking of the Lucitania. It shockingly made me intrigued to listen to Ms. Bachs bullshit theorires about everything. Mrs. Limeing made an ass out of me once again in the office over an excused absence that she didnt WANT to count as excused and she threw it away. So much for one of the top 5 schools in the state their liers. Then again Mrs. Limeing enjoys playing god ive found. Me and georgia are falling apart and it sucks more and more everyday because i hoped to get closer than we actually are right now. I watched some of Austins Manson videos tonight and now im tired and i feel like smacking some little bitch in a black t-shirt and black nails with a leather coated pole. But i suppose none of those sorts of people exist do they?.....(uh huh) so i wish i had someway o sum up what i feel tonight. Some of MY baby clothes that i bought was stolen tonight and i am mad. i cant go anywhere anymore without someone stealing my shit and giving it the fuck away. Im so sick and tired of the assholes i live with. My little sister acts as tho she is 25 and like she has control over me and my mom yells at me when i dont listne to her. oh and those puppies i adopted? muh moms natzi boyfriend wants me to take them to die. either my friend will not be able to take care of them or simply will just damn them to a shelter. my mom and her boyfriend are going to make me deliver those puppies to their death. how awful and monserous is that? well bad day is getting worse and i have to go now. buh bye. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: David Bowie (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
11:22 pm	so ethan finally went away and i am glad. i feel sorry for the guy because he is at his mothers house. hes there because his dad doesnt care enough to try and make an effort to help him. His mother ignores the shit out of him. his siblings beat on him. they all go out all the time and they never take him or bring him food. its not fair. his dad is a dead beat he promises ethan all these things then doesnt keep them. hes just like muh dad. But this of course is not exactly abou me. his family is blaming me for what hes doing hes not going to school hes tryingto kill himself everydy. hes a wreck and they say its all muh fault. i broke up with ethan bevcause he cheated on me and he lied to me and he abused me. i wasnt weak i didnt give in to him when he begged me back and now i moved on. me and my family give ethan everything he needed to live, we took him school shopping we give him lunch money everyday, we feed him every night, we make sure he has plenty of clean clothes and everything in deoderants and etc. that he needs. its bullshit that he is making his family think that its my fault. he doesnt know what to do without me and my family there to take care of him. he has no one now. he took us for granted and he used our kindness as weakness and that is totally unfair.I feel bad because its tearing me up inside because everyone uses me for what they want and then they just throw me away. not sex ok dont be a freak and pervert. there are sometimes when i feel so lonely i cant think and there are times when i feel so smothered i cant breathe. i miss brandon more than anything hes the only person that makes me happy but then i get carried away and i put my soul in his hand and hes going to throw it to the pitts of hell again and hell for sure rip my heart apart, i cant let him do that again. i am with adam now i finally alowed muh self to move on and i hate it. i dont want brandon to suck me back in. i cried tonight. i ignored brandons call....twice. im a bitch and im mean but ...i am scared and cautious and im trying to prevent muhself the heartache...i only hope i make the right choice. Current Mood: confused Current Music: kittie (Comment on this)
6:15 pm	So i went to the charlies show the other night seen donald it was awsome to see you buddy!!! sorry again about that camera! it was an accident really. I had fun at the show even tho the bands really sucked....they were so silly looking with there goofy ass head banging when they werent really playing anything and the crowd sucked they did their ska thing were they all just stood around and nodded their heads ....needless to say it was pitiful. i took muh girlfriend georgia and muh boyfriend adam and muh friend sandy... i am sure sandy had at least a litle fun she got a break from both the calvins and all that chaos. I seen dane, truman, evan, korak, and michael i made up with evan and i got to go to his house for the first time in a long time...it felt great...muh soul fels like a piece of it was returned andi dont feel so emotionless anymore. i am still sorta friends with truman and i hung out with dankie. i had a great time. until nick and mandy showed up. not like i have a problem with them but i feel as tho they have a problem with me. nick never really gives me any shit, but mandy always seems to give me a death glare and whether or not she gives that look to everyone i dont appriciate it. I always feel like i am supposed to leave if they are around they make me feel uncomfortable. i think mandy is beautiful and she can be funny, but she knows that beause everyone tells her so...so i understand why she gives people concieted looks. anyways. i suppose i dont have to much else to say really noyhing else has really happened to me in the past week besides that little show incident. Georgia and truman are dating now and i guess thats really it. i adopted 5 puppies from a friend because one of their brothers died and he was going to send them to a pund so i took them home and bathed them and they are mine now, i feel alot better about muhself now. and im glad i could save them,. i am however at a guilty feeling however that one is already unfortunatly deceased. well later bitches. Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: The presidents (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 11th, 2005
11:55 pm	so tonight i was thinkin of life and how it sucks and how no matter what i do i keep fucking up. more mistakes one right after the other. i dont know what i can do to change the patterns but hey ill keep on trying i guess. i had a dream about someone in my past. i wish i could say more but i really dont need them getting ahold of this. i miss them alot. im not a mooshy person and i wish i had more to say but...i just miss you. i wish i had you. if only i had you in my life. just to give me a second chance. you made me beg you for a second chance long ago and you sat there and told me no with no feeling .....just a hollow empty no. you walked away from me feeling nothing. except relief. and why? you didnt ever tell me why i was left brokenhearted and alone. Not to mention behind. you made my fantasies and reams come true. you made my muh life tollerable. and now your gone. i will give anything for you to take me back. i have dated two times sence we have ended....a year ago.....and i havent felt the same way about either person as i did about you. i dont toss the love word around and i say.....SCREAM it at you with passion, love, lust, trust, and every ounce of blood in my veins. Brandon please try this one more time. Current Mood: cold Current Music: misfits (Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2005
9:20 pm	WTF So anywho today went by slow thinking of that guy and i wanted to get home asap to call him. i did and he was all gangster on the phone and he was like yo yo , i was like oh hell no i cant even have made that mistake but i guess he still wants to talk to me cuz he was like hey will you call me tomorrow still? i really want to hang out again...i was like i bet... but i guess not to much to say really. I read a buddy of mines little thing on here and i dont know what to say. hes really sad and confused probably in the same boat as i and i dont know how to help, because i cant even help my self. im lost in this little journal guess ill go peace Current Mood: confused Current Music: Soil (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
10:02 pm	tired wow last night i went to my friend linda pences house and we had some fun. I am really fucking tired and my ears have their own heartbeats today. lol but hey its all worth it I suppose. I never thought ide like anyone again, but i met someone last night that made me feel crazy. I never likd someone I didnt even know so i pulled a sandy but what ever i suppose. for the first time in a long time i got a phone number and i actually hope for something to happen. Im sick of relationships and i hate love (lol wow im fucking hypocrytical huh?) but i feel like i like this guy. but im sure its another flaming pile of shit wainting for m to come and ignite it. wutever well find out i suppose. I went to a live showlast night they were good, for the life of me i couldnt tell you there name. but they werent bad. well i guess ill get the fuck in the shower i am starting to smell...lol just kidding of course. peace Current Mood: curious Current Music: Billy Talent (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 10th, 2005
8:48 pm	hey there this is my first entry obviously im positive none of you have seen me on here before. i am new at this shit so bear with me. incase brandon ever gets on here i still hate you....if your name is brandon and you dont know who iam no offence to you. Uh me and my fiance for a year and a half broke up like 2 weeks ago....he dated a girl younger than me it fucked me up a little bit....im over it....so anyone who likes the fits talk to me peace. Current Mood: awake Current Music: halloween mix (Comment on this)